Six years ago, I graduated high school. I was an immature, indecisive, low self esteem, inexplainable mess. Never would I have thought I would be where I am today. When my plans failed, I wanted to go to school in Hawai’i. But mostly, I wanted to escape my failure. Not getting into SJSU devastated me into depression that six years later with the help of all those close to me, I am finally getting over it. I couldn’t be any happier… Or could I?
I could never come to terms with myself and accept that maybe God had different, better plans for me. I only saw myself as a failure, a liar and a joke. Working in hell (INO) for 4 years, losing my health insurance, hospitalized 3 times and a near death experience made me realize that God had better plans for me and gave me a second chance at life. Having that allergic reaction made me black out and see a white light. Of course I don’t tell people about it because its still not real for me, but I must come to terms and accept that it happened: God talked to me. I didn’t see His face, but I heard his voice and my guardian angel was definitely watching over me. After my last hospitalization, I went back to church and let Jesus back into my life again completely and got more involved with church. It’s where I belong and it’s where my heart is: teaching the youth about life and helping them with every thing I possibly can. I hear the calling and I am ready, willing and confident to accept it. Sometimes I wish it didn’t take 6 years to figure it out but better late than never.
Now that I know what I want to do education wise with my life, I am so happy. As for my love life, WELL that’s a whole other story. And the story: nothing. A big fat nothing. Of course, I won’t get TOO personal considering I am still vague myself and haven’t fully figured it out yet but it’s so damn complicated. But that’s another tangent I’ll go into when I have the energy. =D
I’m finally in a place in my life where school is going good, i really like my job and not stressed out at all, I have the friends I need in my life and gaining new ones everyday, I am happy. I know you don’t need someone else to make you happy, however I don’t think that statement is so true. If you don’t have another person to compliment you (not verbally), you will never know your boundaries and your being won’t be challenged. Having someone there to challenge you and why you do things and why you think certain ways builds character and makes you a stronger person. Doesn’t have to be negative, but the optimistic aspects are alive in that as well. I’m tired of waiting around for love but at the same time, I won’t go chasing after it.
Six years ago, I was an immature, indecisive, low self esteem, inexplainable mess. Six years later, I am confident, happy, assured, optimistic mess in a dress.